Different people will define self-awareness in different ways, and there are many elements which make up the concept as a whole. Some people might spend a lot of time building self-awareness of the physical body, whereas others might focus more attention on what's happening in the mind. My belief is that we need both.
Psychologist and author Dr Julie Smith describes meta-cognition as the ability to have an awareness of the thoughts you are having, and to realise that you don’t need to be defined or controlled by those thoughts.
It’s a valuable skill to be able to separate our sense of ‘self’ from the current experience we’re having - so that one terrible thought doesn’t catastrophise into ‘being a terrible person’, or a ‘having a terrible life’. It’s just one bad moment.
Making 'thought-adjustments' like this are all part of developing good self-awareness, and journaling is one way of more explicitly noticing what behaviours and thoughts we currently have. From that starting point, we are able to choose what to keep and what to change.
Meeting Resistance
There are going to be sceptics out there who don’t understand self-awareness and might dismiss it as vanity and navel-gazing. A whole section of the population are not very interested in self-development and wellbeing, and they are entitled to their opinions. If taking a long look at yourself and your behaviour is something you’ve never done, it could feel scary and unfamiliar.
Our brains often don’t like this, and will create all sorts of reasons to shut it down. Sometimes, we just don’t have the capacity to be vulnerable and deeply reflect. Self-awareness and reflection can’t be pushed on people who don’t want it, and it’s not something you can complete in a hurry either. I believe that approaching personal wellbeing with self-aware curiosity is something to delicately work on for your whole life.
Cultural 'Unawareness'
In some cases, cultural norms and expectations have necessitated the repression of emotions and self-expression. If a child has grown up being told that they need to conceal their feelings, it soon becomes really hard for them (as an adult) to even recognise those feelings inside themself. This would be so overwhelming and confusing, and understandably leads to outbursts resurfacing later.
A lot of self-awareness is about noticing what is happening for us either physically or emotionally, and validating it in the moment. When we accept an experience, it can more easily run its course and pass through. If we deny it and pretend it isn’t there, it resists and often grows stronger and more challenging.
Think about a toddler having a meltdown. Imagine they are saying ‘I’m hungry, I need a snack!’ If we respond with ‘No you’re not, you just ate!’ They will probably become angry and frustrated about not being understood. They might argue back ‘Yes I am!’ and you can see how the situation could escalate. Imagine instead, if we replied to the initial ‘I’m hungry’ with ‘Are you? Okay, we don’t have any snacks just now but we can get some soon.’ The situation is likely to remain calmer.
It’s exactly the same with our own adult emotions. The more I tell myself that I shouldn't be angry, or that it’s not acceptable to cry, the more worked up I’m likely to become. If I try to bury the feelings and carry on with my day, they often niggle at me far more than if I’d written them out on the page. With self-awareness, I can start to acknowledge what I’m experiencing and put things into perspective.
Self-Compassionate Curiosity
Working with our own unique patterns and behaviour traits is an essential element of the wellness coaching industry, but every positive change has to start with self-awareness. If we’re not aware of the things that are damaging our wellbeing, how on earth could we begin to adjust them?
There are many techniques for growing self-awareness, and journaling can be used independently, or in combination with something else.
I have a series of journaling prompt blog posts that you can follow if you're looking for somewhere to start: Journaling To Integrate Seven Spiritual Laws Into Your Life
I'd love to hear your experiences of developing self-awareness, or perhaps examples of you encourage it with your children or the people around you? Let me know over on Instagram where we have lots of supportive wellness conversations responding to my posts and prompts...